Good News

Just left my meeting with Dr. Goldberg.

The abdominal area CT scan shows no new problems. Also, it shows that the thrombosis (clotting) in my liver is less pronounced than it was in the last scan. The doctors had told me the blod clots that formed while I was in the hospital could be permanent, or my body might repair these veins. The new scan shows that my liver is repairing itself. Hopefully, this trend will continue, and a year from now, my liver will be as good as new, or rather, as good as old.

I've been abstaining from alcohol because of the clots in my liver. I figure I can't afford to damage it any more. My last drink was last November (before I was pregnant). But if my liver repairs itself...

The New Normal

In 2009, when the greatest recession since the Great Depression was still new news, the famous bond manager, Bill Gross, coined a term to describe the near-term future of the world economy. He predicted we would enter an era he called, "The New Normal," in which the economic growth rate would be slower.


Bill Gross, Co-chief Investment Officer of PIMCO, deep in contemplation

So far, his prediction has come true. The world economy has yet to stomp on the accelerator peddle. Recent headlines include concerns over Greece's and Italy's solvency, the U.S.'s debate over raising its debt ceiling, and a jump in U.S. unemployment. At some point, this bumpy country lane should converge with a highway, and we will accelerate past Gross's New Normal.

Anyone who's been diagnosed with cancer, or has experienced another life-changing event, faces her own era of a New Normal.

Drugs, Drugs, Drugs

If I were an elite athlete, I would not be an elite athlete. It would be impossible for my multiple Dixie cup-filled helpings of pills each day to pass any drug test (In addition to the qualifier that elite athletes should be capable of more than walking down the hall gripping an IV pole in one hand and a family member's arm with the other.)

A particular hurdle to a clean drug test would be the steroids they've been giving me to help control the bleeding in my lungs. They are starting to taper me off of them, which is good news, but the withdrawal has side effects. These effects would have been good to understand before last night. I did not sleep at all last night and had a crushing headache. If I'd understood at the time the effect was from the steroids, I would have asked for stronger pain meds. Instead I was in a hormonal foul mood all morning. I've really been trying to be nice to everyone here (It's not their fault I'm going through this.), so I feel bad.

Luckily, late morning, a nice dose of Percocet improved my outlook. A surprise visit from my brother Jeff helped tremendously. Katelyn is sick, so neither she, my mom, or Ryan could visit today. So it was particularly good to have Jeff here.

No matter how hard I try to stay positive, it's not always easy. I am exhausted, and worn out from drug after drug. They just took me down to CT Scan to make sure my headache from this morning was not a result of internal bleeding. I'm trying not to worry about this, but it is just one more thing that makes me nervous.

The lead oncologist has said once I am discharged from here, I will need to be connected to my local hospital for at least five months for phase two of the treatment. Well let me tell you: once I am totally better and can travel, that will be one heck of a trip.

Again, thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. On a day like today, they've been especially important.