Guest Contribution - A Poem by Elizabeth Grant

Elizabeth Grant

I met Elizabeth less than a week ago, yet I already feel a connection to her. She's one of those rare people who can touch your life merely by extending her hand. She's a big believer in therapeutic writing, and the words she writes are as soothing as music. Her steadfast faith in God, in the face of adversity, is inspiring, and comforting. We met in a rather amusing way, which for now shall remain a secret. I hope we become great friends, for I think she may be my writing soul mate.

Elizabeth wrote the below poem for a friend of hers, and I loved it so much I asked her to adapt it for me and allow me to post it here. But first, a little bit on Elizabeth, in her own words on her blog, www.deadmanskipping.com:

"I was diagnosed with stage II breast cancer in 2004 at age 28. Bilateral mastectomy, chemotherapy, hair loss, forced menopause and five years later, I was pronounced cancer free. But on that sixth year, the cancer came back with a vengeance. I now have stage 4 breast cancer that has metastasized to my bones, brain and liver.  I have been married to my high school sweetheart and childhood friend, Dale, for 15 years. I have 2 children: Marielle (born in 2001) and Josiah (born in 2003)... the true love of my life is God --- my Savior, my Friend. Oh, what would I do and where would I be without Him? He gives me a strange peace that can only be described as a breath of His holiness."

Elizabeth, thank you for allowing me to share (and keep for future reading) the below.

TO LOSE IS TO GAIN
by Elizabeth Grant

It doesn't seem quite fair to me
To lose a child this way;
To carry such a precious life
And have her snatched away.

I've questioned "Why" so many times;
Why God allows such pain;
To take a helpless, unborn child...
Oh, what is there to gain?

I carry my sweet unborn babe
Down deep inside my heart;
I ache to hold and kiss and hug
and never be apart.

I wish it all would go away;
I wish with all my might;
I've grieved and tried hard to let go
But peace is not in sight.

Then I heard the voice of God;
He whispered in my ear:
My child, I love you more than life
No need to shed a tear.

I'm not a heartless Father,
My hope is that you'll see
I've given you a special gift
For all eternity.

I haven't taken her away
from you, I gave her life;
Unblemished is her little soul
And safe from hurt and strife.

I needed you to carry her
Inside your womb, you see;
How else could I create and give
This gift to you, from Me?

Your babe was meant to live with Me
Until I bring you here;
So I can bless you on that day
With a gift you'll hold so dear.

You'll get to see your Lily's face,
Shining like the sun;
It's then you'll come to realize
Your life has just begun.

I'm keeping her in constant care;
She's waiting here for you
To hug and kiss and hold real tight
As only moms can do.

Please hear My words and go in peace;
Live life and be set free;
No need to shed another tear;
Live happy as can be.

And when you think about your babe
Please think of Me as well;
For all of us will live as one
And never say: Farewell

Junk Mail

Friday I received a form letter in the mail announcing that a certain hematologist was switching practices. I was only his patient for two days. He was the one who examined my blood sample and prepared transfusions to have on hand in the operating room before the high-risk procedure to remove Lily. He was also the one who discharged me from the hospital the following day, despite my complaint of acute side pain and my abnormal blood counts.

Another hematologist, who knows him, has told me he felt terrible for missing my diagnosis. I am sure he did. It took us weeks of effort to get my records from those two days. Maybe there was some fear of litigation. It was unfounded. His form letter Friday brought back a flood of memories that kept me up that night.

So Far, Only a Tropical Storm

The pain from my bone marrow regenerating has mainly occurred at night, in my back. It's been bad, but not comparable to the agony I felt last spring, which is very encouraging.

I am still feeling completely exhausted. Yesterday I napped for a total of four hours, and today I woke up at 10 a.m. On a bleak rainy day like today, taking a nap while my body heals doesn't sound so bad...

In the top left column, I've added some links to pages that will evolve. Just now, I wrote the Gratitude page. I'm sure I'm missing a lot of people I should be thanking, but I can add names over time. So much of this experience has been a blur, so I apologize if I haven't acknowledged everyone I should have. Everyone has been so amazing; we are truly blessed to know so many caring people.

If you have a good addition for the Faith and Inspiration page, please send me a note via email, Facebook, or a comment here.