Our Miracle Baby...

Baby Nolden joined our family early this November, after over 48 hours of labor (a fitting end to the difficult journey that began four years ago when we decided to have a second child). She was born 21 inches long and weighed 9 pounds 7 ounces.

She's a big, beautiful, healthy baby, and we thank God every day we have her, and that I was healthy enough to carry her to term.

The day before Christmas Eve, the oncologist who diagnosed me with leukemia called to congratulate us on our new baby. Hearing her voice made me feel like we've come full circle. And now it's time to begin the next phase of our lives: being a family of four!

Day Three

Day Six

Week Seven

Lightning, Ebola, Sharks, and Twenty Weeks Pregnant

Today, I thought about:

1) Lightning strikes (Did you know you shouldn't lie flat on the ground if you are caught outside in a thunderstorm?)

2) The "out of control" Ebola epidemic in West Africa

3) The 7.9 earthquake near Alaska

4) Great white sharks off the Jersey Shore (video of great white near boat)

5) Sun exposure and the risk of developing melanoma (five major sunburns between the ages of 10 and 15 can increase a child's melanoma risk by 80%)

After worrying about all five of these threats, it occurred to me that none are the actual source of my anxiety. I'm now twenty plus weeks pregnant. The last time, this is when I developed leukemia, and it's when it killed our baby.

Next week, we have the body scan ultrasound, at which last time we first learned our baby had died. As I'm typing, I can feel Baby Bean kicking. Yet I still don't want to go to the appointment next week.

Cancer patients often suffer from something coined, "scan-xiety." They may have a fear of or don't like getting test results, because the results might be bad. I'd never dreaded my quarterly blood draws for my PCR remission test. Yet during this pregnancy, I've found myself wanting nothing to do with doctors. Don't get me wrong: I have great doctors. It's just hard to shake a traumatic medical past. It's hard not to walk into my OB/GYN's office and not revisit what happened in 2011.

After everything goes fine at the ultrasound appointment next Wednesday, I think we'll start to feel like we're actually going to have a baby, that I'm going to be okay. We might actually start tossing around a few baby names, and discussing what it will be like to be a family of four. Until now, Rob and I have had an unspoken pact not to go there, not to jinx ourselves.

In the meantime, I'll be doing my best to focus on Baby Bean's kicks instead of lightning, Ebola, earthquakes, sharks, melanoma, or a leukemia relapse. Thump. I just felt another one.

Happy Mother's Day! (and some news)

Mother's Day seems like the perfect time to share our happy news. Three years after my diagnosis for acute promyeloytic leukemia, we are pleased to announce that God has blessed us once again.

Are we nervous? Yes. Have I been having flashbacks? Yes. Am I worried about relapse? Yes, but pregnancy doesn't increase my chances. Are we worried about side effects of the chemo? For the baby, no, since it's been shown there are none. For me, a little, since I have a risk of cardiomyopathy from the anthracyclines, and pregnancy puts more stress on the heart. But my EKG and echocardiogram were good, and I've got an awesome cardiologist.

Are we excited? YES. WE ARE THRILLED!

Because we are trying to move past cancer, and keep a positive mindset throughout this pregnancy, we've started a blog about the baby instead of writing about him/her here. It's called, From Poppy Seed to Pumpkin: A "Fresh" Perspective on Pregnancy. We hope you enjoy it (or at least find it amusing.)

Young Adult Cancer Survivors Conference: April 5, 2014

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is hosting a free conference for young adult cancer survivors and their support networks on Saturday, April 5. (We'd love to see you there!)

I love the theme. Young adults definitely travel in the fast lane, and a cancer diagnosis makes it very difficult to keep traveling at those same high speeds. My speech at the conference will be on this topic. Hopefully I'll think of a few good metaphors, like the time Rob and I were driving from WI to NYC, and I suddenly noticed that we were nearing Ann Arbor, Michigan...