Friday, February 10, 2012

Unbroken (Barely)

At 3:50 this morning, while kneeling on the bathroom floor, I thought about Louis Zamperini in Laura Hillenbrand's Unbroken. In comparison to him, I felt weak and inadequate.

Since I began the 15 days of ATRA Tuesday morning, the migraines have been so bad my cheek bones ring. The bones in my legs and lower back ache like I have the flu. Pain medication doesn't help because it compounds the nausea I'm experiencing from the ATRA, even with the aide of anti-nausea medicine.

I think about having to endure six more rounds of this treatment and despair creeps in. Prayer is comforting. But since ATRA is an answer to our prayers, how can I ask God for even more?

In comparison to a relapse, this is nothing. In comparison to being a Japanese POW during World War II, this is nothing. So why does the thought of six more rounds of this nearly break me?

I suppose it's easier to feel brave after the fact. Zamperini had to have had moments of despair while sharks were circling his life raft. Once this round is over, and I've begun to forgot how bad I felt, it will be easier to embrace Round Three (of Eight), and to feel grateful this drug is saving my life.

A must-read biography of a WWII POW